Friday, October 15, 2010 Cozumel, Cancun Nightlife

I caught the expensive but monopolized ferry to Cozumel Island, world-renowned for its clear diving reefs thanks to homeboy Jacques Cousteau and every single cruise that goes to the Western Caribbean. I went to the docks for snorkeling, because even though it was expensive, like I said, it's world-renowned snorkeling/diving country. Oh my god. The water was so unbelievably blue I can't even wrap my head around how it looks that pretty. It was the color of blue raspberry syrup and crystal clear, because the Yucatan is one of the largest barrier reefs in the world. It was so breathtaking, if you didn't catch that from the previous couple sentences. The only thing that would make it better is if there was some topography. Instead, the land is flat and unremarkable in comparison to many other island paradises in the eastern Caribbean. But the water is good enough! We went snorkeling at 2 places reached by boat, further south from the cruise ships. Good diving, as expected. Tons of yellow and blue fish, a barracuda or two, and schools of these bright green fish. It was also really warm. If I were here longer, I would invest in obtaining a Scuba certification. I hung out in the extremely touristy American-focused town for only so long. I was bored so I smoked a Romeo Y Julieta Cuban cigar in one of the cigar bars (like I said, American-focused). The cigar, to be honest, wasn't that impressive and how they are any different from their Dominican counterparts is beyond me. It got cloudy when I got back to Playa del Carmen, so I decided to pack up and hit up Mexico's glitziest resort, the one and only Cancun. I've read the guidebook so many times that I've memorized the line: "So send in the Maya dancers, swashbuckling pirates, and beer-chugging US spring breakers. Cancun can handle it. But can you?" Such a good description. But the best part is, work is paying for my flight home departing from Cancun International Airport. The bus ride was an uneventful hour, and dropped me off in downtown, which was so Mexican you'd never even know this was the Las Vegas of Mexico. Sorry, but this time, I didn't come to Cancun to experience the Mexican flavor. I came for what the guidebook called the "beer chugging US spring breakers". I took the bus to the Hotel Zone, which was absolutely ridiculous, packed with luxury resort after luxury resort for 30km all along the coast. But of course, I was not staying at one of those all alone. Instead, I was staying at what turned out to be one of the weirdest youth hostel's I've ever visited, all alone. Hostel Mayapan: In an abandoned shopping center (escalators and all), and my room was a 24-man dorm which was 100% empty except for me. The only other guest at the entire place was a girl across the mall, so I knocked on her door expecting a fun young party animal. The door opened and it's this lady who reminded me of an unearthed prehistoric hominid; she was blonde and skin the color of Hershey's milk chocolate and the consistency of my wallet. I was so shocked I had no idea what to say so on reflex I asked, "Hi... So I'm staying across the way. Have you been here a while or did you just get here?" Hmmm because I didn't already deduce the answer to that question based on her appearance. She said she didn't have time to talk because she was about to nap. I ambled around the commercial zone, which had an artisan market with Mexico's rudest and most annoying shopkeepers, every American fast food chain, upscale Tex Mex restaurants, travel agencies, and of course, the clubs (Senor Frogs, The Corona Bar, Daddy O, and Coco Bongo). I decided against my better judgment that it was worth it to fork out $60 to go to Mexico's top spot, Coco Bongo. I justified the cost because it included all drinks (what this really means is that beer is not included so they can give you your cocktails mixed with mere drops of well alcohol). The club was actually a great time, though. It was a huge disco with a stage and platforms, from which they interspersed shows and disco dancing. The acts were really entertaining and quite the spectacle. Batman fought the Joker, Beetlejuice and midget Beetlejuice did a duet, there were realistic Moulin Rouge, Guns N Roses, Frank Sinatra, the Beatles, and Lady Gaga impersonators. The best was probably the finale Michael Jackson show. There were tons of acrobatics Cirque du Soleil style. It was so touristy and hopelessly corny of course (they obviously played the requisite Living on a Prayer and Pour Some Sugar On Me), and it was hella WASPy, with all these oldie rock hits. It's weird because half the crowd was Mexican, which I didn't even anticipate when coming to Cancun: But there are actually domestic, non-white, non-fat or jacked tourists in Cancun. It was like 90% couples, and not horny college students (most likely due to the time of year). I was dead tired after the show, which probably wasn't worth the $60.